Okay, so this is going to sound like an excuse, but I swear I wasn’t planning on watching this, and not because of any big reason (like some people refuse to watch it because they think it’s absurd and all that jazz, although I find that a little exaggerated and that it’s simply another one of the thousands of sex crazy Hollywood crap-movies). It was just because it didn’t spark my interest (like, I thought it was about vampires… dude).
Anyway, what happened is last Friday my friends and I decided to go to the movies and after about an hour one of them finally convinced the rest of us to go watch the so talked-of Fifty Shades of Grey, just for the heck of it.
And so there we went.
Honest to God, I was dozing off after about thirty minutes, partly because I was really tired but also because the girl who plays Anastasia is SO FREAKIN BORING, OMG. Seriously, she’s just like Twilight’s Bella, sort of robotic and expressionless… Dumb, really. And the guy isn’t that good either; he always has that same semi-psychotic look on his face, and his right eye keeps twitching, it’s annoying.
And I didn’t think the couple had that much chemistry. It was more awkward than romantic between them, and the fact Christian Grey is a messed up mother fucker who should be locked up and Anastasia is an idiot didn’t help at all.
As for the ever-so-commented sex scenes, apart from the first one which I admit was pretty good in the sense that it was quite the realistic portrayal of virginity loss, I thought the rest were pretty lame. Sure, I guess for people who are into the whole *tie me up* shit, it should be extremely erotic and I get why all the horny women out there were excited to see that materialize on screen, but in the film it’s just so messed up and awkward that all I could think as I was watching was Why??? How did these actors agree to this? Why am I watching this? My personal favorite (and by favorite I mean, the most pathetic) is the scene where Christian tells Anastasia to kneel down with her back to him, and then just goes out for a stroll and takes forever to come back, kinda like, “Hey, I’m just gonna take care of some things in Tokyo, but I’ll be right back, hold on tight.” And Anastasia is just like *insert robot voice* “yes master.”
Trust me, it’s really lame. If you wanna know the truth, five minutes of Game of Thrones will turn you on WAY MORE than this entire film, if that’s what you’re going for. And if you’re going for watching something romantic, anything else is better than this. Except for Twilight haha.
Anyway, so that’s what I thought. The only positive thing about the film was it’s soundtrack; that was pretty amazing. Also, the scene where Christian takes Anastasia flying on the motor-less airplane thing was decent, too.