9 Reasons Why I Hate Looking So Young:
1) Whenever I’m driving people keep staring at me like I’m some freak. They giggle. They point. They gasp even. It’s like I’m a goddamn circus attraction or something. I mean, come on people, get over it.
2) No one knows I’m an adult, so whenever I need to run errands, people always ignore me, expecting a parent to walk in behind me to do the honors. And what’s up with that anyway? Even if I was a child, they should still see to my needs! That’s why I hate banks.
3) Buying clothes is a nightmare. How many times have I gone out to buy a dress and the store-lady was like “Aw! How cute! Is it for a sweet fifteen?” (in Brazil it’s sweet 15, not 16, btw). It makes me feel wonderful; so womanly! How about when they straight up say: “Sweetie, perhaps this stuff is a bit much for you; how about checking out the teens’ section?” Just fantastic. I was particularly depressed the other day when a store-lady said that to me as I was buying a new bra!!!!!
4) Meeting new people is a nightmare. It’s always the same bullshit. They keep polite smiles on, but clearly they’re all thinking “Who’s this little one? I mean, cute, but.. who’s little sister is she?” And then when I say “I’m 21” it’s always the same reaction: “WOW! But you look like you’re *insert age from 13-16*!” YES YES REMIND ME ONE MORE TIME I BEG YOU.
5) No one takes me seriously. You’d think after finding out I’m actually 21 people would treat me as a grown woman, but no. No, no. There’s always a hint of that annoying, patronizing tone people use with children when they address me. They speak to me as if I’m a little doll or something. So cute! So tiny! So innocent! WELL GO TO HELL.
6) Getting carded for EVERYTHING. OMFG. My friends love making fun of me for this. I ALWAYS GET CARDED. At the club, it’s a given. Everyone walks in just fine, until it’s my turn and I’m stopped for interrogation. Bars. Restaurants. Hotels. Airports. Hospitals. Everywhere I go I get the same stupid accusation, “There’s no way you’re an adult missy, show me some I.D.” At least here the drinking age is 18, so after finally convincing the guards I’m the age I say I am, I easily get to carry on with my life.
7) Dating older guys becomes that much harder. It’s already difficult enough for any of them to realize I’m not a fetus (that usually requires a shitload of makeup and high heels). Then, even when they do like me, they think I’m too delicate and innocent-looking, which freaks them out a little bit. Also, I honestly don’t have the womanly sex-appeal they usually seek. I’m petite, damn it, sorry!! It’s all I got from my mama!
8) The jokes. “When’s puberty?” “Oh, we’re going to the club tonight. Too bad you’re 13, HAHAHA!!!!” “Hey look, it’s the kids’ section! Perfect for you!” “Don’t say such profanities! Not in front of the child!” “Are you sure you’re tall enough for this ride?” “It’s past bedtime for you, isn’t it?” “Oh shit! It’s a fetus on the wheel!” “Respect your elders.” “We’ll have three beers and a glass of milk for the toddler.”
9) AND FINALLY THE MOST ANNOYING THING OF ALL: When people tell me, “Oh but don’t worry, one day you’ll be glad you look so young!” *bites back laughter* Well you know what?! That’s right! Make fun and giggle while you can assholes! When you look like you’re 80 and I look 25, I’ll get my revenge! Meanwhile, fuck you!!!!!
So yeah, if you also suffer from being petite and baby-faced, I hope you identify with this list.
Our time will come my friends. Our time will come.
Worthless Scoundrels 